i love accidental penises.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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