You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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