the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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