DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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