I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize