i just wanna soil my oats bro
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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