just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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