how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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