I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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