I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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