i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
