Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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