Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize