Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
