if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
