No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
