You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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