btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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