I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
