So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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