I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
