no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
