and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
