In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
