Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
