U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize