Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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