I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
