I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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