my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
