you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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