it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
