i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize