So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
