Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
