she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
