i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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