if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
