I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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