too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
