im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
