I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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