My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
