Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Randomize
