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The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
