Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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