Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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