first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
