You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
