I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
