I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
