your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
