can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
