First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
