I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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