Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
