I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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