evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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