I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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