I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
