omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
