Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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