Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize