How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
