Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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