Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
