you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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