filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
