The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
