Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
