I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize