Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
